Hi guys it's Maya! Wrote this post a while back and although I am not dating Trent anymore I thought it was an important post to keep up for whoever needs the advice! xx
OK WTF? Glad I got your attention. I've been working on this post for a while now because I'm obviously very open about my relationship with Trent, Luka and Tereza ( Luka's mom) WHO I LOVE BTW!!! Anyways so everyone is a little confused about what the deal is😂 I just felt a little conflicted about how to talk about it, when it would be appropriate and if anyone really even gives a poop. BUT then I thought to myself how nice it would have been for me to have read the advice and story I'm putting out into the universe because I think it would have helped me shift through some bullshit in my head a lot faster. FYI all of this is still a little strange for me at times and I'm sure it's the same for Tereza and Trent as well but that's ok! And totally normal. I'm also not an expert, just giving advice based on my experience.
Ok me, Maya (aka Maika) is dating Trent, who has a child named Luka with Tereza, who I'm now friends with. Crazy stuff when you see it written out like that, I know. I won't be giving too many details about my relationship or theirs. I don't think it's necessary. What matters is what I learned and gained from all of this. I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS. I mean, holy fuck!!!! (Excuse my French). I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. Really, not kidding... didn't want one (focusing on track) and ended up with a boyfriend and a 1 year old with an ex-girlfriend attached. There were times where I felt confused, mad, jealous, insecure, obsessive, even a little bit insane to be honest... but what gets me through are 3 things: 1. Communication 2. Shoving my ego to the side 3. Trusting love. Ya no shit this situation sounds a little messy. I was worried in the beginning. Worried about Tereza, about Luka, and about how we'd all be able to mesh together instead of bump heads every 5 mins.
If you're out there stuck in a pickle and don't know how to approach this type of situation- just sit down with your man or lady and put everything out on the table, all your concerns and fears no matter how crazy or stupid you think they sound. Ask about everything, I MEAN ASK ABOUT IT ALL, then ask 3 more times If you need to. Communicate your feelings ALWAYS and if anything makes you so uncomfortable to the point where the situation takes over your love for that person, then maybe it's not going to workout for you. But if you REALLY truly love someone and feel it in your gut that you belong together, then who cares about their past, just see what you can do to make the present work out! Be confident in your relationship, in your love, and accept what comes with it! Even if it's a little bit of a bigger family than you expected. Once you pass that first step then remember the next step, which is to respect the mom or dad of the kid. I'm not saying every situation is perfect and chances are you won't be lucky like me and their parent won't become your "bestie," BUT they deserve respect and to be in the loop no matter how close you guys are. Don't be a little baby yourself and feel awkward or try to use your partner as a messenger. Before you know it you guys are playing a FRICKIN game of telephone for 5 years. If you're in it for the long run then all of you guys will be together for a while and it's important for everyone to be on the same page. Be straight forward and understand that they probably feel just as weird as you do! So take a chill pill and a couple deep breaths and just figure it out! It's very humbling to learn how to put your ego aside and realize it's not all about you, you have to be selfless and more importantly LOVE selflessly.
GUYS, you won't always get exactly what you planned, life is crazy and surprising... and even decides to slap you in the face sometimes. I don't know what will turn out in the end with this situation. All I can do is go into each day with an open mind and open heart. Don't let something that just looks a little difficult and isn't "ideal" for you and what you think your life should look like ruin something special. I love Luka like he is my own flesh and blood and only want what's best for him, just like Trent and Tereza. Lucky for us we all get along, but no matter what differences we may have it's pretty fucking awesome that we are able to put them aside for our love for the little homie. (Gross but true.)
Last thing: We have this picture in our head of how our life will be and throw away beautiful things that pop up in front of us just because we are afraid that it will change the image we so carefully drew out for ourselves over the years. Don't let that be you! Don't let our society brainwash you into thinking your life should look a certain way.
Follow your gut and be strong! Life isn't easy man, but it's worth it for moments like this!!